10 Things You Need to Get Over a Breakup

1. A Snuggie. It’ll replace that warmth you felt when your significant other held you in their arms. *tear* The Boyfriend Pillow (as found here) will also suffice.
2. A Netflix account. I highly recommend watching How I Met Your Mother. I binged on that bitch last time I went through a heartbreak and it worked wonders. 
3. Lots of tequila, but hide your phone so you won’t drunk text your ex. It’s the worst.
4. A gym membership (a trial works just as well) so you can sweat out that pent up anger for your ex. The advantage of this is in a few months, you’ll run into your ex who hopefully gained 20 lbs. because he/she was so sad about your breakup they ate away their feelings while you got hotter. 
5. A good group of friends who enjoy the bar scene. You’re going to need them during this very difficult time in your life.
   

   Yes, I used HIMYM again. I’m telling you, this show helped me heal!!!!!!

6. Pizza. Just… everyone needs pizza. And don’t feel guilty after you finish an entire large pizza by yourself. It’s been scientifically proven that crying helps you lose weight, so technically, you’ll be crying away those calories. Eat up.
7. A vibrator (unless you’re a straight male). You’re not always going to pick up guys and it’s nice to have a backup at home. I recommend a rabbit.
   

   Did you really think I was going to post a picture of a sex toy?

8. Beyonce’s “Single Ladies” on repeat because goddamn it, that’s the anthem… as sung by a married woman with more money than you’ll ever make. And if you don’t know the dance moves, shame on you. You’re a disgrace to all the single ladies.
9. Health insurance. You’re going to do a lot of stupid things when you’re a sad single drunk. 
10. A penis you’ve never rode on before. Like Tyra once said, “In order to get over your ex-boyfriend you must get under another man.”